To Whom It May Concern

Today is a very special day. I awoke early to deliver something personally as I have done so on this date for the last 17 years. It was still dark when I left the house, but the tell-tale signs of a sun rising in the East were present but a black winter cloud smothered where it would rise. The drive was only a short one; the roads soaked and glistened like wet coal. As I approached and drove past the house I glanced at those windows, still dark and shielding those I have missed for so many years. I parked and walked back through the muddy puddles before striking that gravel drive on my pilgrimage to a single letter box – all was quiet. And then I left, disappearing into the cold gloom of an emerging dawn. It was not much to give. I have never been able to give very much, but as relative as any life can be, I had given my last penny. Happy Birthday Son.

So what do I have in common with my Mother? Towards the end of the war when my father was still fighting a war in the far east. She fell pregnant as many others did during hostilities and gave birth to a son. My Mum was still very young and as an un-married mother was seen as? Well things were not viewed favourably in those days not so very long ago really. She was `persuaded` to give up the child! I know how she has felt on many occasions since that time. I know of those moments when she would cuddle me and feel a sense of guilt getting in the way of that love for me….I have felt that all too often. Those suppressed memories of the lost one taken from you….it never leaves but the passage of time does ease that loss or you let it kill you….who would benefit then?