In Exile

cobwebs 1932 caravan
Sipping coffee from my vintage caravan typing this blog, I look towards the house where my home used to be. The land about me has changed a lot over the last 15 years; Through the entrance, above the field gate that leads to the garden of the house, once stood my first shed. On that spot my life once came very close to ending due to some wrong decisions in life by me but mostly the effects of my slavery to the state. I remembered peering through a small gap in the rusty and corrugated metal that faced overgrown land next to the house where this caravan now stands. The lean-to shack that I hid in, formed part of a small labyrinth of sheds, built with my own hands and was the only thing that separated me from those agents of the government. My heart thumped even remembering; I recollect me thinking my adversaries would have actually heard the percussive commotion that had played out inside of me together with my respiration that had also been rapid that I fought with futile control; On the other side I heard their voices but was unable to hear what was being said.
They had arrived unannounced in a large black people carrier. Luckily, I had caught sight of them as they slowed down in order to park but I could not feel confident that I had not been seen. As I tried to hide amid a pile of old wooden crates and recycled timber, I tried to interpret what they were saying while they were walking up the road the short distance to the house.
2 years earlier life took a turn; I had escaped from my first marriage. I naively thought at that time, that by waiving any entitlement I may have had to any financial contributions made during the marriage and taking on the burden of debts incurred during that period, I would by this action spare my children from any bitter and twisted actions or any ensuing conflict between me and my first wife. I had always been honourable and a loyal person but was no longer able to suffer in silence anymore. Etched deep into my consciousness, are my two very young children, cowering in the corner of the lounge as their mother shouted at me. The look on my 5 month old baby son I remember as though it was yesterday. I could not let them grow up and witness such goings on. I struck out, more as a way to push her from me. I sincerely believe I acted with a great deal of reserve under the circumstances and left the house immediately to placate matters, I did not return.
It is a strange thing how the mind will block out so much pain. Some of us know by instinct how damaging hate can be and we avoid situations that propagate its harmful effects. During the marriage I was aware of a woman who harboured a great deal of this damaging emotion along with a morbid jealosy, totally unfounded which I could not cope with anymore.
So two years later my actions caught up with me; those debts the maintenance money to my first wife and my desperate bid to provide someplace for me to have my children stay over were simply not sustainable. I sometimes worked a seventy hour week but simply did not earn enough – bankruptcy had arrived! As I crept out of my hiding place, after the visit by what I believed to be the official receiver, I found their calling card; it was the Jehovah Witness publication – The Watchtower! My paranoia had been totally unfounded. At the time, I was worried because my clapped out van and only means of transport had not been declared in my bankruptcy investigation as I believed they would have taken it. I was and remain a small fish in this world, the van was worthless anyway. How wrong you can be!
A few years later I found myself playing some tunes on my fiddle around a friend’s house. I had been made aware of – let’s say an alternative view of life during that summer and these thoughts I expressed to him as he put aside his guitar with a worried look upon his face. He became quite tense and angry at me; this was an understandable response to witness as I was challenging his world view of things and I could not really argue my points at all as everything I was expressing was in a state of flux anyway. I remember him questioning WHY! Why was I thinking and talking like this! It clearly disturbed him. We parted company and as I drove back home, I began to remember the answer to his question; Life tends to bury the reasons for why we do things, we often forget…..
I had a long period off work. I was caught between the devil and a hard place. I wanted to pay my way in the world but unemployment had me trapped. I had good reason to be off sick but I felt a fraud anyway. It is not without good reason you stand looking at a piece of rope in that same shed where I had been hiding wanting to end your life believing there was no options left but that is a separate issue. I needed the time to take stock and reform and following some `chats` with the Samaritans, I launched myself back to work. Any guilt that I had would be released after sending the first cheque to my ex-wife towards the maintenance of my two children. And like a responsible citizen and father dropped the Child Support Agency a line to `encourage` them to `assess` me quickly to avoid falling into any more debt, having become bankrupt once in my life, I had no wish to return to that state of affairs! Despite contacting them numerous times to chase them up it was about 18 months before they hit me with an arrears notice. It was an amount of money I did not have and even paying off in the amounts they ordered was simply not possible and if I did not comply they would take it directly from my wages anyway which they did on one occasion! – That rope appeared again! Despite my reminders chasing them up they clobbered me! It seemed that they did not take into account my new family circumstances and share the liability fairly amongst all dependent children it was a catch 22 situation. They did not even take into account the money I had been paying voluntarily over a significant period and despite countless life consuming letter and phone call exchanges lasting over 3 years, I surfaced not victorious; for nobody ever wins in these situations especially the children, I emerged into another existence, one I did not have a name for at the time but do now. I was a slave.
It was now clear to me, I would never be in a position to increase my income merely to reimburse the treasury’s benefits accounts so I would have to actually have to earn less! There would be no winners and everybody would lose. So there it is. I did not think of myself as a slave but I was. I could not claim to be a free man anymore – if that status ever existed! I continue to send money for my children it isnt enough and some weeks I really cant afford it but send it none the less – everything is relative in this world. In this Orwellian state I find myself in, I am supporting those in lawful rebellion. I now view everyone who never questions the status quo as belonging to that huge flock of sheep, and although many of them may well dip their heads in the rabbit warren of truth, as a gut response to the unease they feel to their current existence, they soon become distracted again by daily affairs of family, friends, financial worries, media pap, intoxication and hedonistic indulgences. Normal habitual and routine life carries us along and we seem powerless. We have been state educated and we continue to propagate education onto our children but tell them nothing of the very basics of life. Whatever an education is, it should make you a unique individual, not a conformist; it should furnish you with an original spirit with which to tackle the big challenges; it should allow you to find values which will be your road map through life; it should make you spiritually rich, a person who loves whatever you are, whomever your with; it should teach you what is important, how to live and how to die” from `Dumbing us down – The Hidden Curriculem by John Taylor Gatto. When social training beats education civilization dies – Skinner
Where does money come from? The Goldsmiths Tale” ( you might need to type in the title in the youtube search as this link does not seem to work)
What is the definition of a really good slave? The one that thinks he is free!

The Headmaster
the school
This is Joe Farrells Dad. I hope you are well!
When I was in HM Forces (Royal Navy) practicing for wars to come, I accepted then that it was necessary in the interests of discipline and efficiency to make it plain to everyone in advance, what the penalties would be if we were to disobey the rules and/or fail in the execution of our duty. Conformity to the rules and being fully aware of the consequences was considered the best way to `motivate` men. It was very difficult sometimes to stay out of trouble, even if you tried your hardest! The Navy really did practice a gratuitous use of punishments for the smallest misdemeanours. I of course had freely contracted/volunteered for service unlike my predecessors over a century earlier: they were often tricked into `accepting` the contract of service by such simple acts of accepting the Kings shilling in a tankard of beer by the press gang. Now of course things are much different. This trickery could not exist today could it? Could it?
The thing is, I thought I had left all that automatic unquestioning authority behind me years ago.
Your recent memorandum highlights `serious consequences` to our children’s learning progress if they are absent regularly and that schools must `aim` to have the highest attendance possible – it also contained threats!
I`m sure you would agree with me that it is neither necessary or desirable to threaten people prior to motivating them to perform a desired activity or task especially in regards to them achieving the best and/or reach their maximum potential. This approach is deeply flawed having more to do with conformity than it would with education.
I trust every teacher in at the school will not tolerate this dominance of conformity and obedience over learning.
As a parent I have never had an attendance issue with our boys but that is not to say it may never happen to us.

To demand money with threats before any case is heard in a court of law, is in breach of the Bill Of Rights Act 1689 (this is an entrenched law and cannot be repealed). Your memorandum is clearly a notice whose purpose is to promote the FPN as a `supplement` to ensure children attend school. This Kings shilling cannot be accepted by me. It is another means to extort money from us. There is a distiction of the penalty `charge`, together with consequential action from failure to pay within time scales from any case being presented in a magistrates court. They are separate entities as is evident.
I DO NOT ACCEPT OR CONSENT to any actions that involve Fixed Penalty Notices (fines.)
It is my understanding and belief FPN`s are fraudulently being presented to us by transient statute making `authorities` that should know better! They are not `supplements` to education, they are fines without any reference to a person’s ability to pay and only exist on the basis that people accept and consent to them willingly. Without my consent they are unlawful if applied as is established in case law.

I also support the notion of regular attendance at school. I dont think this is a good start!

If the school seeks our support in attendance , I do not believe this is the best method to employ, even if the majority of parents may implicitly accept the Kings shilling…..unless of course we wish to perpetuate a nation of obedient sheep.

11 September 2013
Mr. *********
Head Teacher
******** Primary School
Thank-you for your recent memorandum. While I may comprehend and support the desire to `encourage` children to be responsible for handing in their own lunch money and to be more responsible in general, I do not accept this to be a `MUST`. This can only ever be a request from the school. There are times (for whatever reason) when I or Mrs ********** needs to ensure the correct money reaches the office personally. The memorandum points out the cost of the envelopes for lunch money to be placed into but does not say who will pay for them but seems to imply we do! The memorandum is clear however who is liable for penalties of up to £120.00 for a school absence. I find this big stick approach totally unacceptable and I do not consent to it!
If `we` really want to teach our children to be responsible for themselves we do not threaten them first do we with penalties if they do not do something – are they being threatened? Is it not best to inspire, encourage and be good role models for them first? If threats are used, whatever form they take, this is clearly more to do with conformity than education? I trust every teacher in ********** will not tolerate this dominance of conformity and obedience over learning.
As a parent I do not have an attendance issue but that is not to say it may never happen to any one of us.
To demand money with threats before any case is heard in a court of law is in breach of the Bill Of Rights Act 1689 (this is an entrenched law and cannot be repealed). This memorandum clearly is a notice with the intention not so much as a `supplement` to have children attend school but another means to extort money from us in the future. This is clearly the case as the separation of the penalty from the case being presented in a magistrates court ARE separate as is evident in the memorandum.
I believe our children are growing up in a world school does not prepare them for. I tell my children that they should never blindly accept anything but to question everything and that includes above all else the Law. If schools were to include this in the curriculum, then maybe as adults we would not run headlong into paying FPN`s when they are fraudulently being presented to us by those `authorities` that should know better!

Yours sincerely

The above letters were a response from me and not my children`s mother.

I`m going to leave her I`m going away, I`m going to leave her I`m leaving today.

Once I was married, Once I was wed, I had me a wife and I made us a bed,
I made us a tables and I made us some chairs, when I made the kitchen the marriage was dead.

I gave her the house and I sent her my pay, she gave me two children but took them away!
I love my daughter and I love my son, I`ll love and support them however I can.

Court fees and contact orders my days dominate, a family needs a father but I`m locked out at the gate, I love my daughter and I love my son, I`ll love and support them however I can

I`m going to leave her, I`m going away, I`m going to leave her I`m leaving today
(written by me in anger! 1999?)

I often wonder what I would have done, if I were in my grandfathers shoes; Not content to be wounded once, he went back for second helpings during WW1 and recieved another lump of shrapnel.. He had no choice of course and no doubt at the time before he went, he would have probably gone off with a great deal of enthusiasm as I remember feeling myself when there was the first hint that I might see action off Libia during the 70`s. Today, there is a whiff in the air of something that I could feel coming, indeed I knew it would come one day. They have been playing war games in the middle east and the time is now right to introduce the `idea` of compulsory national service. The sheep population will follow and I have no doubt the media will rally round and coerce dissenting voices into the shadows and if they cannot silence them, they will find some modern day white feather substitute.
href=””>Dog Shit Alley
Etching `Darkest Secrets` I did this in 1988
When When I first started working with the mad and the sad or to put it in a more `appropriate` way; the mentally ill, I found it required me to become separate from them. `They`, were the patients. `I` was the nurse. They were either mad or sad and I by my professionally employed position considered sane. I still work with those effected by `mentally illness` using a more `streamlined` and `modern` approach (HAA!). They are still mad and I am still sane….or am I?
It often struck me back in those dark days, those in our care in the mental hospital were often very perceptive regarding people around them, often over sensitive. This would often spill over to paranoia. In recent times, my general unease about the world has led me into research that has thrown light upon much of what some of these patients may have been feeling and thinking and what some of them may have been trying to express. There were times, when staff perceived them expressing delusions, they often did have some grains of truth within it. I remember in 1970, my sister saying THE TELEVISION WAS CONTROLLING HER AND it WAS CONTROLLING US! She was very disturbed and has spent all her adult life in psychiatric care/confinement. This was considered a psychotic symptom….I think she may have had something though don’t you!!
When we see a stage illusionist performing cutting the lady in half we know it is not for real and these days with the internet it is often possible to find out how it is done but what is important is the fact that it is an illusion. Misdirection, distraction techniques are used to great effect. None of us, unless we are in the know, truly see what is going on for real. What we see is a distortion of the real events. they are engineered, in this case to entertain and amaze, to fool us into seeing the woman sawn into half.
The patients who may well rant will be dismissed and sectioned under the mental health act and detained, sometimes against their will. I do believe they usually are not `happy` bunnies and may well need our help but not necessarily psychiatric! I believe they may well know/believe/express ideas about their experience of life in the world but of course we cannot see it – their experience is not visible just as my experience is not visible. We rely upon them expressing these beliefs/ideas etc. And if they are unable to articulate these to our satisfaction and to argue in a manner that can be listened to with unprejudiced ears they haven’t a chance! Even if they are able to articulate effectively, if it falls upon those who for whatever reason find what they have to say beyond their own experience and understanding…..If they rant and scream about something that excites them, about something just found out that has changed their lives, something that has made them see that they have realised (to use the metaphor) the woman on stage was not cut in half and they worked out how it was actually done but just cannot express it – are they still mad? If they wake up as if from a long sleep to discover the world they live in is not at all what they thought it was…how are they supposed to react-how would YOU react?
Yesterday, I watched a popular alternative TV newsreel. I won’t mention his name to avoid any prejudgement from the reader, but If I watched him without the sound on he reminded me of somebody deranged, obsessed…mad! I did listen however and it was clear he was disturbed and this by his own admission, an honesty you will never see on the BBC Propaganda Machine. He was passionate in what he held to be true and made reference to this in his broadcast. Almost apologetic at times. He was reacting to a mad world in my view in the only way he knew. He talked incessantly about the frog in the boiler on the stove syndrome we are all in; the water was cold when we went in but the heat was turned up a long time ago but only a few of us seem to have noticed.
I came to this conclusion in my early thirties due to a number of media events that I was actually present, that were all televised and going out to the masses, totally distorting what I saw with my own eyes! The first was the repeating of a scientific experiment concerning sea pressure. I was seen `doing` the experiment and was filmed for a popular TV programme in the seventies. The spin was the Royal Navy was specially commissioned to carry out this task, repeating a phenomena first witnessed by a fisherman lowering a bottle to a great depth during the war years when something unusual happened. I have forgotten `what` did or what was supposed to happen in the fog of time but that is also the nature of a big lie – you have to have a good memory! What did happen, did not happen and what did not happen did happen! I could not believe what I saw on the TV when it went out Still as they say, never let the truth get in the way of a good story. Another time I while working in a hospital, many female nurses were going along to the mass demonstration at Greenham Common. There were three seats still available so 3 male staff were invited to fill them, me being one of them. When we arrived at the base, I counted the long lines of buses most of which were pretty full and did a calculation to approximate the number of protesters. Again the distortions ( on both sides ) of the numbers attending were staggering! It was quite easy to make an assessment of numbers as walking around the perimeter of the Airbase everyone was in plain view. I was there when an incident took place concerning a very small number of women attacking the fence. The TV version of events was more than a distortion it was a scripted agenda at work designed to discredit a wholly peaceful protest. These were my first hand experiences of our trusted `news` services at work, there have been many others.
But a more disturbing occurance is the newsworthy incidents that do not even get a mention and of those I have lost count. So I will not drone on any further, sufficient to say, I believe my suspicions are well founded. I really do want to believe that our government and police and every other public servant out there are acting in our best interests. That politicians are really honourable! That the legal profession are not corrupt and are also honourable. That the news tells the truth and is unbiased but I simply do not buy any of it anymore. It does seem to me we live in a kind of capitalist/bankers driven tyranny were everything and anything will be done to protect a minority `interest` and the script will only skirt around any of this using distraction and misdirection to control us. This frog has climbed out of the water cause he could tell the heat was up! And it may be cold outside but at least the view is better. ( Look up; White Rabbit Education on Google for some insider banker stuff. )